Let's Try This Again...

I had a very real moment with myself today and just wanted to briefly share…

So, since moving back a couple of months ago I can truly say that I have actively pursued my relationship with God more than I ever have in my life, which desperately needed to happen if I'm honest.
That being said, it has been a daily process of growth, getting rid of crap in my life and then some more growth...gotta love it, right? Not always, but hey it's worth it and I am slowly but surely finding that out.

I was sitting in a coffee shop after having sent mom a very long text whining about my finances and how ticked off I am that I can't seem to get over what feels like this never ending rut..and I just all around was having a mini pity party for myself. It wasn’t very productive, I’ll say that.
At any rate I was listening to Lauren Daigle’s song “ Trust in You” (which I seem to listen to far too often lately) and throughout the whole song it talks about numerous ways of trusting in God, even when it feels like it’s just not worth it and is getting you nowhere.

It was in that moment that it hit me like a ton of bricks, “see…you don’t REALLY trust Him.” Of course I tried to convince myself otherwise for a few moments and we all now how productive it is when you try and argue with God.. Then, it dawned on me…I really haven’t been trusting Him with everything and as sad as it was for me to admit to myself I couldn’t remember the last time I had tithed (getting brutally honest here y'all). How the heck can I sit here and pray and ask the Lord to help me overcome things in my path, when I am not even honoring Him in the area that I am struggling with? It’s to even like I had intentionally not been honoring Him with my finances…I just was so blinded by my own selfishness and worries that I didn’t even stop and truly let go and give EVERYTHING to God.

So, as my daily process continues I hope that maybe, just maybe somebody else can relate. And if not, oh well. I am still thankful for the hard lessons (most of the time) and slowly peeling back myself to reveal more of Jesus.

- Rach

Also....Totally laughing to myself that my last post THREE years ago was on trust... Clearly this is a reoccurring theme in my life... Maybe someday I will fully grasp it, but until then at least I am headed in the right direction...finally!  :)