Letting Go

Well, it's been quite some time since I decided to sit down and write something, but I had a few minutes and decided I would get back at it. The last few months of my life have been a roller coaster of events and I have been reminded time and time again of one thing in particular and I just wanted to share it with you all. 

Trust........Although I repeatedly say that I really and truly trust God with every aspect of my life, I've had to step back a few times lately and ask myself if I really really do trust Him...with EVERYTHING. Sure, it sounds great on paper and even coming out of our mouths to say, "oh yes, I just really love God and trust Him and His plan for my life." But, I think we sometimes forget that trusting Him wholly means trusting Him even when things get rough and don't go how we want them to or how we envisioned them.

Now believe me, this is something I'm literally having to convince myself of every single day, as horrible as that sounds. I tend to say that I'm trusting Him, but yet at the same time I try to control certain aspects of the situation. Uh, hello. That's not trust, that's not fully surrendering and that sure as heck is not what it looks like to give it ALL to Him. 

James 1:2-4 talks about how in our life we will face trials and difficult things, but that these trials are meant to strengthen our faith and ultimately our trust in God. It doesn't say that life will always be easy and fun, but it prepares us for the reality of what life is going to hold. We have a daily choice of whether or not we are going to let God define how our lives are lived or if we are going to let our own pride and egos take over. 

I know I'm not the only person who struggles with this, but that doesn't give me an excuse to continue on in it. I got to a point a couple of months ago, where I was so disgusted with the level of mediocrity in which I was living and my overall lack of trust and I desperately wanted something more...something deeply rooted in a relationship with God and fully trusting Him. I will say that in the last few weeks I have felt a different level of freedom in my life and I know that it is because I am giving God the reins more and more and actively seeking Him and His word daily. 

So, let go and trust that no matter what your circumstances are He is and ALWAYS will be in control and letting Him have full reign over your life is the most incredible decision you will ever make, no matter how hard or easy that it may be! 

- Letting go of myself 

In Christ Alone

In Christ Alone… that is what everything in our life is supposed to be centered on, right? Well, I’m here to share a little bit about what has been going on in my life lately, in hopes that maybe someone will be able to relate to it. 

I am not afraid to admit that I am not the best at handling tough circumstances and situations. As a matter of fact I SUCK at it. I may have not been able to admit that in the past, but today I am looking at it with a different perspective. 

Since I got back from the Dominican, I have struggled…A lot. I have struggled to figure out what my purpose is and what God’s will is for me. I really felt led to continue doing something in ministry, so that is what I pursued. When the opportunity that I thought I was going to get didn’t happen, I let it affect my attitude and the feelings of not being good enough and not being able to get what I want were brought back up from my past and shoved in my face. Although I knew it was a lie, I believed it and in return decided that maybe I wasn’t supposed to pursue ministry after all. 

Thinking about this today, I realize how dumb it was to let one thing determine what God’s will for me wasn’t supposed to be. How can I take ONE opportunity of being shot down as a sign that my heart to pursue ministry and what God has for me wasn’t what I was supposed to do? I knew that I had been following close after God and knew without a doubt that this is what He revealed to me. Yet, I am so dang prideful and the fact that I didn’t get exactly what I wanted ticked me off. I didn’t stop to think that maybe it meant God has something better for me in particular.. No, I automatically went in to pity mode and shot down any other potential ministry opportunity, because my dumb pride was telling me not to do something that may end up disappointing me again. 

The next  month consisted of me pretty much being a brat, to put it in blunt terms. The joy and happiness that I had felt such a short time before was no longer there and I know it was because I just quit caring about anything other than myself and I was not centering things around God. If any of you were wondering, this is NOT a fun way to live. I just didn’t care enough to do anything about it. I wasn’t doing anything “wrong” but I wasn’t chasing after God daily and seeking Him for what I should do. Let me also add that since I started this bratty little attitude I had hardly slept and when I did finally sleep I was restless. I also had a small series of crisis and frustration occur in my life, that did not help my current state of mind and only made things worse. Of course it never registered to me that maybe all of this had something to do with each other and the fact that I kept putting off what I knew was right.

I had a meeting yesterday afternoon and as I sat in the waiting room, Kristian Stanfill’s version of “In Christ Alone,” came on the radio. I have heard this particular song and version a million times and it is one of my absolute favorites. It had been a few weeks since I had heard it though and as I sat there I felt like it was almost screaming at me to get the message of what it was saying. “In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song. This cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm.” I knew I had been in a serious drought and I had done pretty much everything except rely on and trust God, to be my hope and strength. 

As I lay in bed last night, I again struggled to fall asleep. I got so incredibly frustrated and I asked God to please just let me finally get some rest, because I was about to go crazy. Another hour passed and still nothing. I was getting incredibly frustrated and decided to open up my bible. Our college pastor had read something from Colossians 1, the night before, but when I opened to where my bible was bookmarked it flipped back a page to Phillippians 4. I began to read and this is what I read, starting in verse 11 and ending in verse 14, 

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

Paul wrote this from prison….yes, prison! Gah. For someone who can tend to act like my circumstances and where I am is just so terrible, this was like a slap in the face. Paul was writing from prison and wanted the people of Phillippi to know that he had found the secret to being content in any and every circumstance that was thrown his way and you know where he said that contentment is found?! In Christ! True contentment is found only in Christ and in Christ alone! Not in a job, a place, a friendship, a guy or any other worldly thing. Nope, it is ONLY found in Christ. I grew up knowing this and knowing that this was true, but I had temporarily let myself forget it and just not care. I flipped on “In Christ Alone” and then read these verses over and over. For the first time in weeks I finally felt peace and not a false sense of peace and happiness, but the kind that only comes from God. 

I woke up this morning having had a 100% restful night of sleep and felt more free than I have in weeks. I was not guaranteed today and I am thankful to have another opportunity to redirect my focus back to God and work on pursuing Him, rather than temporary and pointless things. 

So, I don’t know if any of the rest of you struggle with being content with where you are or what difficult things you might feel like you are going through, but there is hope and there will ALWAYS be hope, in Christ!

Much love, 
Rachel =]

The Change

Hello all. Although I have been absent since my return to the US, I have not forgotten about you all.

It has been brought to my attention more and more over the last few weeks that we live in a very twisted and messed up culture. My pastor, Louie Giglio, said something this week and it seriously has made me think a lot. It went like this, "Jesus, change me..because I desperately need it..and the world DESPERATELY needs you." Seems simple right? Perhaps it is because I radically changed parts of my life and am now able to see how messed up and damaging some of my past decisions were, but to see people in this world continually make similar mistakes truly saddens me and makes me see how much the world really does need God. 

My dad refers to it as the decade of discovery. The time where you try everything you can to figure out who you are, what makes you unique and what gives you true identity. Although I've heard him say it a million times, he is right. Everyone at this age just wants to figure out their place and where they fit, even if it means making stupid decisions to get there. I feel like so many people in this generation have completely lost sight of the fact that God is THE single most important thing in the world though and that they really do NEED Him. I realize that I used to be no better, but I just wish people would see how much they are damaging their lives and futures. I see far too many drunken Instagram pictures, vulgar twitter posts and questionable things on Facebook nowadays and it really does make me sad. Living in the world and participating in its "fun," is not something that I miss. Over the last year and a half, I have experienced what it is like to give God control of my life and let Him change me, from the inside out and I wish that others could experience the same thing. 

So many people these days think it's okay to cuss, drink and sleep around with whomever they want and that it won't ever come back to hurt or haunt them. I used to be there and know how hard it is to get through these years without falling in to temptation and going along with what everyone else deems as acceptable. The saddest thing about all of this is that they are very few people in my generation who are brave enough to stand up for their faith and fight to put an end to all of this. The majority just sits back and watches it happen. Why? Most likely because they are too afraid that they will be rejected by the people that they don't even really like, but work sooo hard to earn approval from. Again, I've been there. It's not worth it. The only approval in this world that you need is from God and I long for people to understand that. 

In 1 John 2:15, it says, "do not to love the world or the things of this world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Do you get that? You can't love both. You can't love to get drunk or hop on twitter and explicitly share your emotions and then turn right around and like a perfect Christian. It doesn't work that way. A lot of people think being a Christian mean's that it gives them an automatic pass to get away with sin. That's not the case. We all desperately need the grace we don't deserve from God and none of us are above it. 

I wish I could say that I have figured everything out and have it all together, but I don't. Which is why Louie's statement made such an impact on me this week. It is my utmost prayer that God would continually change me, so that I might influence and point even just one person to Him. I am nothing without God and can't imagine where I would be today, if it weren't for His relentless love and grace towards me. 

So, I challenge you to let that be your prayer as well. Let God change and mold you in to the person that HE wants you to be. Quit wasting your time with empty and vain things. We are called to glorify God with our lives and actions, so don't be afraid. You never know who is watching and who's life you could potentially influence to change, for the glory of God. 

Love always, 

- Rachel