In Christ Alone

In Christ Alone… that is what everything in our life is supposed to be centered on, right? Well, I’m here to share a little bit about what has been going on in my life lately, in hopes that maybe someone will be able to relate to it. 

I am not afraid to admit that I am not the best at handling tough circumstances and situations. As a matter of fact I SUCK at it. I may have not been able to admit that in the past, but today I am looking at it with a different perspective. 

Since I got back from the Dominican, I have struggled…A lot. I have struggled to figure out what my purpose is and what God’s will is for me. I really felt led to continue doing something in ministry, so that is what I pursued. When the opportunity that I thought I was going to get didn’t happen, I let it affect my attitude and the feelings of not being good enough and not being able to get what I want were brought back up from my past and shoved in my face. Although I knew it was a lie, I believed it and in return decided that maybe I wasn’t supposed to pursue ministry after all. 

Thinking about this today, I realize how dumb it was to let one thing determine what God’s will for me wasn’t supposed to be. How can I take ONE opportunity of being shot down as a sign that my heart to pursue ministry and what God has for me wasn’t what I was supposed to do? I knew that I had been following close after God and knew without a doubt that this is what He revealed to me. Yet, I am so dang prideful and the fact that I didn’t get exactly what I wanted ticked me off. I didn’t stop to think that maybe it meant God has something better for me in particular.. No, I automatically went in to pity mode and shot down any other potential ministry opportunity, because my dumb pride was telling me not to do something that may end up disappointing me again. 

The next  month consisted of me pretty much being a brat, to put it in blunt terms. The joy and happiness that I had felt such a short time before was no longer there and I know it was because I just quit caring about anything other than myself and I was not centering things around God. If any of you were wondering, this is NOT a fun way to live. I just didn’t care enough to do anything about it. I wasn’t doing anything “wrong” but I wasn’t chasing after God daily and seeking Him for what I should do. Let me also add that since I started this bratty little attitude I had hardly slept and when I did finally sleep I was restless. I also had a small series of crisis and frustration occur in my life, that did not help my current state of mind and only made things worse. Of course it never registered to me that maybe all of this had something to do with each other and the fact that I kept putting off what I knew was right.

I had a meeting yesterday afternoon and as I sat in the waiting room, Kristian Stanfill’s version of “In Christ Alone,” came on the radio. I have heard this particular song and version a million times and it is one of my absolute favorites. It had been a few weeks since I had heard it though and as I sat there I felt like it was almost screaming at me to get the message of what it was saying. “In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song. This cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm.” I knew I had been in a serious drought and I had done pretty much everything except rely on and trust God, to be my hope and strength. 

As I lay in bed last night, I again struggled to fall asleep. I got so incredibly frustrated and I asked God to please just let me finally get some rest, because I was about to go crazy. Another hour passed and still nothing. I was getting incredibly frustrated and decided to open up my bible. Our college pastor had read something from Colossians 1, the night before, but when I opened to where my bible was bookmarked it flipped back a page to Phillippians 4. I began to read and this is what I read, starting in verse 11 and ending in verse 14, 

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

Paul wrote this from prison….yes, prison! Gah. For someone who can tend to act like my circumstances and where I am is just so terrible, this was like a slap in the face. Paul was writing from prison and wanted the people of Phillippi to know that he had found the secret to being content in any and every circumstance that was thrown his way and you know where he said that contentment is found?! In Christ! True contentment is found only in Christ and in Christ alone! Not in a job, a place, a friendship, a guy or any other worldly thing. Nope, it is ONLY found in Christ. I grew up knowing this and knowing that this was true, but I had temporarily let myself forget it and just not care. I flipped on “In Christ Alone” and then read these verses over and over. For the first time in weeks I finally felt peace and not a false sense of peace and happiness, but the kind that only comes from God. 

I woke up this morning having had a 100% restful night of sleep and felt more free than I have in weeks. I was not guaranteed today and I am thankful to have another opportunity to redirect my focus back to God and work on pursuing Him, rather than temporary and pointless things. 

So, I don’t know if any of the rest of you struggle with being content with where you are or what difficult things you might feel like you are going through, but there is hope and there will ALWAYS be hope, in Christ!

Much love, 
Rachel =]